Dancehall 2000 (Penthouse, 1999)

Rarely am I as upset upon listening to an album as I was when I popped this one into my CD player.  Why oh why don't one-rhythm albums warn you that they are one-rhythm albums?!  There ought to be some sort of warning label.  Do record companies enjoy pissing buyers like me off (assuming I'm not the only one)?  Needless to say, I'm not a big fan of this type of album, although not all are bad (Still, I've never heard a one-rhythm album that couldn't be improved with some different music thrown in.).  This one, however, is easily one of the worst I've heard.  First of all, the rhythm itself is of marginal quality.  Many listeners will recognize it as the bubbly "Thing & Time" rhythm -- driven by light, old-fashioned rock steady-ish horns and a modern digital vibe -- featured on the hits "Can You Play Some More" by Beres Hammond and its DJ version, "Pull It Up," with Buju Banton.  Since these tunes were popular, I suppose that some people enjoyed the beat, but I find it average at best and certainly not worthy of supporting 16 tracks (incuding an instrumental)!  The music aside, the big name performers on Dancehall 2000 seem to let the rhythm drag down their material so sub-par levels.  Morgan Heritage's "Music of the Century" may be the best track, but the repetition of the beat throughout the album makes it so mind-numbingly noxious that it detracts from the melodies.  ARP's "Temple of the Lord" stands out because its melody is basically gospel, and Richie Stephens' "Magic Woman" is a hackneyed cover of Johnny Gill's "Lady Dujour."  If I never hear this Hell-spawned rhythm again, it'll be too soon.